Monday, November 22, 2010

God Loves You - Even If You're Divorced - Part 1

Disclaimer: Apparently after my initial posting of this, some felt it was my cryptic way of telling the world "what really happened" in my own divorce and in turn, have taken it upon themselves to create drama and spread lies. the ones this applies to: don't give yourself that much credit. This was written with the intent of supporting many people who I know that are wrestling with the struggles below - NOT of spilling the sordid details of my life or to be a cryptic tell-all. This blog will never be used for that intent. I have more class than that and I have no use for those who don't. If you've come here with that intent, please don't come back.

The past couple years have taught me a lot. I've gone through a divorce and as someone that believes deeply in God & Jesus, this was no light task. I chose to leave. And while I know that I sought God with every fiber of my being throughout the entire process, because my ultimate decision was to leave, my faith has been questioned from every angle. Many people seemed to understand the process of questioning things but very few actually offered me a moment of grace once the decision was made. I am grateful for the few that did; for those that were willing to see that my character had not changed throughout, that offered me the grace to take the time to open up as I needed to in order to share the pains and struggles that led me to this, and that understood that I could make this decision and STILL love and follow God the same way - that I hadn't forfeited my eternity in heaven because of it. I wouldn't be where I am now - the most emotionally & spiritually healthy I feel I've ever been - if it hadn't been for those people that chose to love me before they loved the rules. The love of those people are what have inspired me to write this post...

Divorce is NOT the end of one's relationship with God.

I'm not denoucing the word of God by saying this though I know there are many that will disagree with me. I know in my own life that the grace, direction & leading of God I experienced in this journey has been undeniable. I know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. And unfortunately, I also know that there are few who feel that they can talk about this in Christian circles. It's all been something to just wrestle with until I see someone else going through it. Suddenly, it seems time to speak up.

I went to an incredibly conservative Christian college where the mere thought of divorce seemed to be a sin, let alone actually going through one. I was impressed when it was taught in a family psychology class that adultery does not only mean when a spouse cheats on another. Adultery is, in it's truest form of the word, a deep betrayal; a latin-english dictionary says: "a breaking of a marriage". We talked specifically in that class about what other forms of betrayal can fall in this category (this list is non-inclusive): addictions that one doesn't seek help for (or consistently "says" they will seek help but never truly make a change) including porn, alcohol abuse, substance abuse, etc.; physical abuse; emotional abuse; spiritual abuse; etc. Just because a spouse does not cheat on another through sexual infidelity, it does not mean that there aren't other betrayals worthy of severing the relationship. These betrayals create a relationship of toxicity and left untreated, can act as a cancer on one's emotional being.

I get incredibly defensive with those who chose to see this otherwise. I tend to believe that these people care more about their OWN interpretation of God's word rather than seeing people in a healthy place where they can know their savior more deeply. God calls us to trials but I think that we serve a sick god if he uses an abusive marriage or a perpetually toxic relationship to test us on that. You wouldn't want that for your best friend and if it were your child, your "mama bear" instinct would be turned on so fast that you wouldn't be able to see straight.

Matthew 7:9-11:  9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Do you really think God loves you less than you love your own children? There's no way! While I believe whole heartedly that there is a time and place to give chances, make efforts, and to work towards reconciliation, I also believe that there is a time when enough is enough. Yes, God CAN work a miracle - of course He can! But there are times that God chooses to not to and to stay in the relationship creates just as much or more damage to our relationship with Him than if we'd stayed just to follow the law. Quite frankly, anyone who disagrees with me needs to know that God loves us a million times more than they believe in. You want to worry about where the sin is? It's believing so little of how God loves us that we put His law above His grace and in turn encourage people to stay where an emotional cancer will continue to eat away at them.

Part 2 - Believe that God loves you more!! Coming soon...
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